sitting around

I am sitting here and waiting...
Looking over one shoulder, and then another,

Waiting for somebody to come and ask me,
hey gaurang, how are you?

but as usual, i will blurt out, "I am OK!",
and that may as well be the end of the conversation...!

I have created a world around me,
that is completely removed from reality,

though it has the same people,
they look different in here

even if I should have been happy,
I end up with melancholy here,

the real world wants to be happy,
and I, in my world, want to cry,

the real world wants to be rich, successful, and famous,
and I, in my world, am left with no motivation whatsoever.

I'm happy

I may dare to say that I am somewhat mildly happy at the moment.

What I have been doing/thinking in the last few days:
- You have to take a little pains. Look at everybody around you. They dont have it easy. They dont have everything given to them as it should be. They work for it. They have enery and enthusiasm to create a world around them that works for them. They have to really kick up the energy and go to work, take care of family and friends, and make a happy and nurturing environment for them and the people around them. THEY HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. Focus, and work!
- I now add this suffix to each statement that I say about my problems and make myself depressed about it -- I add ", so how do I solve this problem?". Even when I say this suffix, and it doesnt help out my problems -- I even add this suffix to that statement. So you know what, I have created this exponentially lifting statement -- I had got fed up of exponentially depressing statements! So this exponentiall lifting statement....

"..., so how do I solve this problem?"

thoughts as a means for ego

I live in thoughts. I cant communicate properly. I cannot express myself. I cannot connect with myself. In other words, a complete looser with life.

But, my ego says that I possess "thoughts". Not that they are very good or marvellous something, but they are the only thing I have. So it is not ready to come out of it. My mind keeps thinking. Thinking. Maybe it feels its own existence manifested in it. It can obtain its sense of identity and a presence only from these thoughts, since other things in life have been stifled and are just unable to grow and nurture normally.

So it wants to keep a record of it, and wants to show it to others. Hence this and the other blog.

Masochistic Personality Disorder

Add one more to the list of disorders that fit me perfectly. This is also completely "textbook" -- almost every word written on this page fits me precisely.

http://www.geocities.com/ptypes/masochisticpd.html

I really want to take care of myself. I really do. I really want to take care of myself. I want to.

I want to take care of myself.

I want to take care of myself.

I want to take care of ymself

I wany to take care of myself/

I want to ttake care of myself.

I want to take care of ymself.

i want to take care of myself.

I want o taek care of my self
w

I wawnt ot take care ofm ysefl

I want to take care of myself.

I wany to teha cre of myself

I want to take care of myself.

I want tot take care of myself

I want to crae of myself

I want o tak care of myself

I want to take care fo myself

I should take care of yself

I should yak ecare of myself

I should take care of myself

I should take care of myself
I should take care of myself