Holding back the past

My actions of keeping bookmarks --- to write somewhere each site I visited -- keeping a blog (one about things, and one about myself) to record all thoughts I have -- to put up many programs I wrote -- to put up all of the stuff that I have put up on website : all these actions are my desire to keep hold of the past, my desire to NOT move on, my desire to chew on the past, and not act in the present; my desire to evaluate choices not by instant decision, but by continued, unproductive rumination of life events.

My tendencies to ruminate on thoughts, seeking pleasure in harming myself and seeking awe; define me.

Can such people be actually loveable?

Although, often I am very emotional. I like seeking and giving love. But these other negative behavioral traits engulf me too often; causing me to appear inconsistent, and essentially repulsive.