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July 20, 2005

True Self: Frustrated, egoistic, inconsiderate? Or loveable?

What will be our true behavior if we were not suppressed, influenced, pressured in any way by the society?

I used to think, and still think, that in one way we will be a being for and of love. We will give love, and seek love. Love will be the only emotion that appears; other negative emotions have been imposed upon us by bad experiences in the society.

But there is another valid way to think about this -- we observe that if people are with civilians they behave in a civilian manner. But if people are with their family or close friends, they will behave as their true self -- they will emote a lot more, they will criticize what they dont like, they will ridicule other people, they will ridicule other ways of life, they will show more frustration, they will even speak sometimes in a less polite friendly way with family or close friends themselves. They will feel releived while doing so. They will appear as a frustrated, egoistic, and inconsiderate person. They wont feel the pressure of behaving in a civilian manner, and by being able to express their inner negative feelings about others, and they will feel more free and unrestrained.

So, does this mean, that, in their heart, their true behavior was such? So, in reality, people are negativity-expressing people by heart?

Or are they beings of love?

One answer could be -- that we seek love, and that is one of our basic emotions, but not being able to get it easily in the society, makes us a little desperate and frustrated, and thus feel negative about others. So in truth, we were a love-seeker, but then changed as per societal conditions into being a frustrated little self with external show of politeness.

But this sounds too good to be true.

Maybe, even in our true, unconditioned self, there are a little negative emotions along with love? For example, ego(the feeling of being a separate individual entity), which directly originates from our biological nature?

Might be.

Yet another valid way of looking at it is -- we are hardly born with any emotions. Most of our emotions, including most of love and ego were actually acquired when we looked at how people were behaving after we were born. Thus almost all of our emotions, (other than the little slight starting touch that our genes might provide) are society-influenced and generated, and that our true self, is nothing but an empty transparent being, with nothing more than maybe an ant-like biological nature...


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You are really amazing. You are trying to analyze love thru intellect.

You can only realize love when you realize that you are too stupid to figure this out thru intellect.

get it stupid!


actutally I think Guarang is doing it out of love. He is grasping at love through an experience of its absence. By tracing the contours of the love shaped hole he traces the contours of love, which is better than staying in the middle of the void and doing nothing.

Love is a lack that reaches for a lack and the sympathy between them creates a single plenitude from what was previously a double vacuum.

Misery loves company...

Hi Shib and Ben,

Thanks for your nice comments.

Shib, I think that just being emotional (or experiencing emotions) does not allow you to discover your emotions completely -- for learning some aspects about them, one has to come out of them into the world of logic, and view them from outside. Like for example, you can completely understand a train not only by sitting in it, but also a little by going out and seeing how it looks from the outside. But, I am not bent on this view -- I agree to what you say too. Like they say, meditation has to be experienced by experiencing it, there is no other way. Same thing might be true for love.

Ben, very nicely put. I had to step slowly to understand what you said. I agree. (maybe we could get together sometime for a chat... drop me a line if you come to the Bay Area).

And yes Shib, am waiting for you too.


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