managing self

One problem with me is managing myself.

I should be controlled, composed, acting only towards things that really should be done (instead of wasting time in useless things or doing useful things at the incorrect time).

This is very important.

I have lost my happiness because I have become very slow (thinking more than doing anything -- lazy?), and therefore fail to perform the necessary routine things. And these things always being in the back of my mind (i have still gotta do this, i have still gotta do that), I dont find time to do things which I like to do, or which will enrich life or make it more lively and joyous.

Thinking also has got its advantages since by thinking I have been able to infer many subtle things about life and people, and maybe have become a little wiser - although not directly -- since otherwise i would have been able to make myself happy. But thinking is only good when it is done under control -- when you are able to exercise thinking power while controlling its "when", "how much", "about what", with dexterity.

But due to my lack of control of this thinking power, basic things arent being done, and i have been falling behind in many routine mundane chores, which include my interaction with friends and family. This then reduces to even not being able to do things which I want to do, and thus an all-point-failure, and thus sorrow.

What is the cause of this?

Is it that I have just become more free here because of lack of constant control from parents/friends in India? Is it that I have lost context? Is it that I have fallen into nihilism? Is it that I have fallen into despair because of failures in action? Is it that I have fallen into despair because of failure in interaction with failure and relationships? Is it because of the masochistic tendencies wherein I take pleasure in troubling myself?

I know its all of these reasons combined in various proportions.

I am the perfect example of how much low a person can go with no particular substantial causal event.... in other words, failure of a person to keep himself happy. Well maybe there were events. But I know that I havent handled them properly.

And yes, one more problem. Complete lack of spontaneity? All of my actions are thought-generated, and none of them are spontaneous. OFCOURSE It doesnt mean that I dont have emotions but actually I have emotions, and a lot of emotions. In fact, instead of caring for my own survival, I become very emotionally attached to people. Hmm. Maybe lack of spontaneity is just because of my extra thoughts.

Hmm. Self Management. Maybe I need to do some kind of a "Personal Management" MBA or something!