actually make sure that

I think I need to forget about all this for a while, and sincerely concentrate on survival. I will have to develop interest in it, I will have to really make myself believe that survival is actually important, and that I myself actually want to intend to make all my actions better my survival.

I want to actually make sure that I have the groceries, that my room is clean, that I have clean clothes, that I make sure I pay all the credit card payments on time, make sure that I know enough about the area so that I can make the best out of it, try to do everything the best way, and to find optimal paths in everything I do, so that I can enjoy better success, fulfill more of my dreams and desires, and be happy for the time I am here, uhhhhh, even though I have no reason to be.

I want to actually make sure that I want happiness, and that I will pursue situations, people and things which make me happy. In other words, I will have to make the effort to reach my own happiness. Yes, really I will have to do this.