day to day 1

my day to day behavior has become quite bad - I always have this fear: "I am not normal"; "I do not belong here"; "I wont be able to cope up with the group"; "I will never be a normal part of the group"; "I have failed in life"; "I can never cope up with life"; "I will be outcast and always be so", etc.

sometimes though, I become happy, and then these things dont matter. I then get a lot of drives, mostly related to why I and other people are the same entity - all people's emotions are my emotions, and mine are theirs. At this point, I usually drop individual boundaries, and try to come close to people. (Whereas in the above other mood, I was trying to run away from people as much as I can.) I like this mood. Belonging to people, and feeling they are all one is a nice feeling.