External Behavior 5
Whats happenning now:
1. x=0
2. Try to socially mixup with people
3. These reasons:
a) D&d
b) Very easy childhood gave rise to some very bad behavior patterns
c) Absence of desires, goals, motivation
d) If (x>=3) Unability and unwillingness to look for fun
e) If (x>=3) With such a bad social history, complete lack of social confidence, and a very low social self-image
f) If (x>=3) Absent Mindedness
g) If (x>=3) Since social mixup is not possible, ego trying to lay stress on difference between me and people, and trying to prove superiority using the differences
h) If (x>=3) Fear of people, and fear of being rejected - almost confident of being rejected
i) If (x>=3) Ego/Rudeness/Arrogance
j) If (x>=2) Fail due to unnaturalness
k) Because of previous history of depression and social withdrawal, people reluctant to mix
Due to these above reasons, complete social mixup failure
4. Due to social mixup failure, social withdrawal
5. Try to show that others are to blame, for not treating as well as they treat others
6. This show-blame business doesnt yield any results apart from further deteriorating conditions
7. Introspect and Observe what is *actually* happenning
8. Realize that the flaw is in me, and not in others. This condition is a result of myself.
9. Get depressed.
10. This does not yield any results.
11. Get further depressed - almost go into depression
12. If (x>=1) Try to change, and thus go into unnatural states.
13. x=x+1
14. Goto Step 2.
1. x=0
2. Try to socially mixup with people
3. These reasons:
a) D&d
b) Very easy childhood gave rise to some very bad behavior patterns
c) Absence of desires, goals, motivation
d) If (x>=3) Unability and unwillingness to look for fun
e) If (x>=3) With such a bad social history, complete lack of social confidence, and a very low social self-image
f) If (x>=3) Absent Mindedness
g) If (x>=3) Since social mixup is not possible, ego trying to lay stress on difference between me and people, and trying to prove superiority using the differences
h) If (x>=3) Fear of people, and fear of being rejected - almost confident of being rejected
i) If (x>=3) Ego/Rudeness/Arrogance
j) If (x>=2) Fail due to unnaturalness
k) Because of previous history of depression and social withdrawal, people reluctant to mix
Due to these above reasons, complete social mixup failure
4. Due to social mixup failure, social withdrawal
5. Try to show that others are to blame, for not treating as well as they treat others
6. This show-blame business doesnt yield any results apart from further deteriorating conditions
7. Introspect and Observe what is *actually* happenning
8. Realize that the flaw is in me, and not in others. This condition is a result of myself.
9. Get depressed.
10. This does not yield any results.
11. Get further depressed - almost go into depression
12. If (x>=1) Try to change, and thus go into unnatural states.
13. x=x+1
14. Goto Step 2.
2 Comments:
At 12:59 AM , Anonymous said...
Gaurang,
Trying to analyse your own behaviour is pretty much useless (as you must have realised). By posting your diary on the web, it is obvious that you are asking for help from outside (at the same time denying that you need help by trying to analyse yourself). Change your environment and base your life around profession, family and friends.Everything will fall into place,stop struggling.
At 4:58 PM , Gaurang said...
I dont know whether analysing your behavior is useless.
Actually, probably you are right. The outlook must be different...yes...if you have a positive outlook then probably analysing your own behavior can be useful, on the other hand, with a negative outlook, you will use that analysis for further going down.
Actually my main problem is that I have bcome a little disoriented here, I dont know what I should do, or when I am going, or where should I go... the other problems have been existing for a long time, but I have never got so depressed with those earlier.
As you said, I should base my life around profession, friends and family.....
I should just learn to be happy and maintain that happiness....I am not as bad as this blog shows because I write only when I am a little down, whereas actually I keep going up and down during the day. But I need to sustain the "upness".
thanx for your advise...
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