External Behavior 4
- trying to do things which should not be done right now because there are other deadline-ridden things that must be met. this is doing self-harm, because by doing this i cannot do my required activity in time, and i then get some sense of (er) pleasure in finding myself in tough situations (analysis: going deeper: masochistic tendencies that then get me to situations which i can then use to attract sympathy or to show that life has been so hard to me... when actually it has not - it is just i have made it hard - and maybe i am just looking at it wrongly deliberately)
- trying to blame everybody in a way when they do not give me enough attention and respect. at that point i try to not reverse this issue - instead I withdraw myself, become quite and despondent. feel as if i have lost the game of life. [analysis: i get hurt when my value decreases - i am very sensitive to my value/worth, whenever people dont give me attention/value/respect, i suddenly become very sad and lost, i feel that I have some problem with me....at this point i am also advertantly or inadvertantly trying to generate feelings of sympathy, and unconsciously trying to show that the other people are at blame for not giving me attention] (this trait is part of narcissistic personality disorder i think)
- trying to just talk about frivolous things and trying to just get attention and get people to talk to me. getting people to say "hi" to me, and trying to get them to converse normally with me, which never happens. since the way people converse is totally different. people are on their way to survival... and friendships are only a side effect...for me it is different, since i am totally unable to get friends the normal way (due to my various incapabilities), i try to get attention some other way....sometimes rudely saying hi and wanting other people to say hi. saying stuff to please others... which doesnt work out when there are lots of people.. since it is difficult to figure out what people want when there are 2 or more people.
- sad, depressed, unmotivated, lost in thoughts, absent minded, goalless, non-fun-seeking
- trying to blame everybody in a way when they do not give me enough attention and respect. at that point i try to not reverse this issue - instead I withdraw myself, become quite and despondent. feel as if i have lost the game of life. [analysis: i get hurt when my value decreases - i am very sensitive to my value/worth, whenever people dont give me attention/value/respect, i suddenly become very sad and lost, i feel that I have some problem with me....at this point i am also advertantly or inadvertantly trying to generate feelings of sympathy, and unconsciously trying to show that the other people are at blame for not giving me attention] (this trait is part of narcissistic personality disorder i think)
- trying to just talk about frivolous things and trying to just get attention and get people to talk to me. getting people to say "hi" to me, and trying to get them to converse normally with me, which never happens. since the way people converse is totally different. people are on their way to survival... and friendships are only a side effect...for me it is different, since i am totally unable to get friends the normal way (due to my various incapabilities), i try to get attention some other way....sometimes rudely saying hi and wanting other people to say hi. saying stuff to please others... which doesnt work out when there are lots of people.. since it is difficult to figure out what people want when there are 2 or more people.
- sad, depressed, unmotivated, lost in thoughts, absent minded, goalless, non-fun-seeking
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